hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize