In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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