dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
