Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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