I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
