he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
