I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
