Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
