plz talk dirty to me
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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