Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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