i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She needs sedatives and a leash
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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