i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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