thus making me awesome and them whores
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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