Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
