so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
