i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
