Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
