I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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