I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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