Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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