Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
