Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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