like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
