He disabled his match.com account in front of me
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
