Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
