Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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