i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
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It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
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Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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