Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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