so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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