so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Sober January is a disaster.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
