He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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