I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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