How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
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Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
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He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
the raccoons are back...
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