Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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