My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
