I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
