if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
