i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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