I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
