I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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