Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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