So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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