I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
