I'm drive I can fine osifer
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
