Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
