The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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