I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
