I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
