I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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