Swine flu is the new snow day.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
