I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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