dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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