Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Randomize