im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
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just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
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WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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