It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Randomize
