sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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