she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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