just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
