He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
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Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
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Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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