The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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