Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
