he told me I talked like a deaf person
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
